It is a day to meditate and celebrate. Study the Dharma, chant the Sutras and perform kind acts towards other beings.
In keeping with that, and really having no real idea what I'm doing, I thought I'd tell the story of how I became a Buddhist. According to my husband, I always have been. He said he knew it when we first met. Everyone who knows me said they knew it too. I was really the only one who seemed surprised.
I have been collecting Buddha statues for years, ever since an ex-boyfriend's father gave me one for Christmas 12 years ago. I still have no idea why he gave it to me. They are Catholic. I was a Christian/Pagan/Wiccan/Confused. I guess maybe he saw something too.
I don't kill bugs. Never have. Let me rephrase that...I never go out of my way to kill bugs. I have been known to smack the occasional mosquito when it's biting me and my car has enough of the little six-legged carcasses to prove that I don't avoid them while driving - probably a good thing. But I will happily escort out any spider, insect or other so-called pestilence if they lose their way and end up in my home and have been known to use my entire body as a shield against an unwarranted spider murder on many occasions.
I've spent years railing against the Christian right. Those who claim to that God is love, but he only loves them. If you're gay or Mormon or Jewish or Muslim or just a decent person bring to get through life by being nice and not causing any harm, but aren't quite sure about the whole Jesus/ Bible/ Adam and Eve thing, you're pretty much going to end up in the fires of Hell. Have fun.
I did the whole born again thing, back in high school and college. Of course my intentions were pure - I did it because that's what my boyfriend at the time was doing. I stood on street corners asking complete strangers if they had asked Jesus to be their personal Savior. I spoke in tongues. I was baptized, again...because the one when I was a baby apparently didn't take. I was also made to feel like the whore of Babylon by one of the pastors at my church because I wore a dress to church that fit my body and forced men to commit the sin of fornication in their minds. Oops. My bad. When the boyfriend and I were thinking of getting engaged, we had to attend pre-engagement counseling sessions to determine whether the church thought we were a good match. Those I am actually grateful for, because as it turns out, we weren't. But their reasons were that I would never be submissive enough to be a good Christian wife. Well, at least they got something right.
After that, I flew in the opposite direction. I studied Wicca and Paganism - also because of a boyfriend. I got tattoos and traveled and had lots and lots of sex. It was fun, for a while. But never really felt like me. More than Christianity, but never perfect. Flash forward several years and I found myself back in a church - Lutheran, standing next to a real live Christian, saying my vows before God and family. My husband knew I had my doubts about the Bible, but he was strong enough in his own faith to not really care that I had my questions. It also helped that we were pretty much Christmas and Easter Christians, so I didn't have to worry about it all that much. All of the hullabaloo started two Christmases ago, when I refused to go to church on Christmas Eve. I had decided that it was complete hypocrisy to attend church once a year and consider that good. I informed my husband that if he wanted to go to Christmas Eve service, we would have to go to church at least twice a month all year long. That worked out well for me. Haven't been back in a church since then, except for last Easter at the behest of some new friends. All of the guitar and drum worship and hand waving brought out a severe case of PTSD for me and I left in tears.
I got home and cried. I felt lost. I knew I needed to pick a direction, to have something to believe in that was bigger than myself. Then I looked around my room to see all of these fat, happy Buddhas staring at me. It was if they seemed to say "This is where you belong." A path of non-extremism, the middle way. A non-violent, be kind to others, God is the energy that drives everything in the universe kind of way. An anyone can achieve enlightenment no matter who you are kind of way. Something clicked.
When I told my husband I thought I might be Buddhist, he said "Duh. It's about time you figured that out." I started reading about Buddha and meditation, being at peace wherever you are. I devoured this hope like a starving child. For the first time in my life, I had hope. I realized what I think I knew all the time, that God is in me. That God is in everything.
I am no where near enlightenment, though. That may take several more lifetimes, but I am at peace with that. I feel no need to defend my beliefs, or push them onto others. I can just smile and be happy with the path that works for me. Because really, when it comes down to it, aren't all faiths inherently the same? Love God. Be thankful. Be nice. It's really all the same path - just different signage.
*wikipedia - Bodhi Day
Lovely. Happy Bodhi Day and blessed be.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Namaste. :)
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