Spring Broken

I'm sitting in a hotel room in North Carolina. My daughter and I are on spring break. Just she and I. Her and me. The kiddo and the mommy. All the time. No off button. No daddy. 100% quality time. I suck at this.

I'm a good mom, don't get me wrong. I can do the mommy thing. But when it's just the two of us and I am expected to entertain her the entire time, I start to lose my shit a little. I can't think of what to do. I want to curl up in fetal position and pray that she'll just watch TV for a little while, but NO...she wants to DO stuff. She wants to play. She wants to go places. But she's five. So the things she wants to do and the places she want she wants to go don't always jive with what I want to do.

I'm trying to be cool mommy. Go with the flow, super fun, think Lorelai Gilmore. But there's a reason we never saw 'Gilmore Girls: The Kindergarten Years' Because five year olds are damn hard to please. Even pleasant, cute, well-behaved ones like mine. They are still short terrorists.

I'm only on day two. So far I've been mostly rescued by the company of a new friend, but the rest of the time, I'm on my own. We may cut this trip short. But here's the rub... spring break is about to become permanent.

Soon enough it will just be she and I. Her and me. The kiddo and the mommy. All the time. Not just on spring break but every day. No one at six o'clock for me to say "Here - this is yours." Always the one to entertain. Always on.

I am afraid that I won't be able to cut it. I am a damn good mom. But what if I'm not good enough? What if I can't be her everything all the time? What if I screw her up? What if we don't survive spring break?