Burning Bridges

I asked a friend to do a guest post for me tonight since I've been having bit of blogger's block.  I'm going through a bit of a time in my life right now, with many huge changes on the horizon.  Had I been able to write the following post myself, I would have.  Thanks, Jenn at Random Thoughts 'n Lotsa Coffee for enlightening us with your beautiful thoughts and your insightful words.

Burning Bridges

I can't sleep at night.

I toss and turn.

I keep losing sight of the lessons I've learned.

I'm standing at the crossroads with just one concern.

Which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn?

I need to reach a decision and get on with the rest of my life.

-Vince Gill

At one point in our lives we have all been faced with this decision...do you leave the bridge standing, do you cross it and never look back or do you burn that bridge and all that it represents and forge a new path of your life? Do you even cross that bridge? That bridge over the course of your lives could represent any number of life's lessons. Bad relationships, jobs, toxic friendships, life's status quo. At one point you find yourself in a situation where you have to either cross that bridge and start a new chapter, choose a different path and leave it standing just in case or cross the bridge and burn it with the finality of never ever going back. 

This is one of the hardest Life lessons we are faced with. Which bridge to cross, and which bridge to burn. If we walk away from a situation in our lives and leave that bridge standing, it allows ourselves the option of returning to what it was the drove us away in the first place. We can always go back if crossing this bridge didn't work out.. kind of a  safety net to catch us if we fail. Sometimes this is ok.. to leave that option open, but when is it not? When is it time to torch that bridge to our past? When do we finally decide that enough is enough and we will never go back. Back to a certain person or situation that drove us across the bridge in the first place.  How many times do we get right up to the entrance of that bridge.. and panic or second guess ourselves and turn around, never even taking that first step.

What is the driving force behind us that even gets us to this point. How do you know when enough is enough and it is time to move on, no more second,third,fifty chances..That internal struggle is different for each of us, but the same too. We all battle the same question..when is it time to walk away? We never really want to give up on someone, or something in our lives, but there comes a time when we really do not have a choice. Its not healthy for us to stay, we are unhappy or unfulfilled, we begin to refuse to sacrifice ourselves and stand up for what we need.

Over the years I have faced  my own share of bridges. Some I have crossed and left standing because maybe at that particular time something minor wasn't right for me, but maybe after some time had passed, I would like to be able to return. I  made the decision to walk away based on feelings or where I was in my life at the time.  This is usually the case, but there have been a couple that I have decided needed to be burned to the ground.  Usually the ones that I have burned have been to people that were to toxic to want in my life any more. I had gotten to that point of no return, where I had tried and tried to make things work and had failed. It takes a lot to get me personally to this point, but it happens and I am ok with that.  What I had to figure out though was, when was enough..enough? 

Is there ever really a solid point when you realize that you can't do it anymore? Does it build up and build up until that proverbial straw breaks your back? Is it one event that opens your eyes and asks..what are you still doing here? Honestly I have had both. That lighting bolt from my subconscious that said.. The time to move on is now! Other times it has be gradually over time and once it took me 30 years to figure out. I guess it depends on the person or situation.  Nothing in life is black and white, there are always shades of gray and in those shades of gray is our life.. it is the balance between doing what is right and what is right for ourselves. Therein lies the Lesson that life is teaching us.  We can't always do what is right for others, we must come to a point where we do what is right for ourselves. Burn down that bridge and move on. Others in your life may not get it or understand and that's ok,  you can explain to them or not. I usually say that I needed to honor my self, my life and made the decision to stay or go based on that. While people may not understand, if they love you they should respect it.

Burning Bridges is something at one point we all must do in our life time, usually more then once.  We all have the strength inside of us to make this decision, to know when to walk away, what we just need to realize is that it is ok. Staying true to yourself is so important that sacrificing it to a job you hate, a bad relationship or family member that crosses the line is never really an option for long without losing that one thing that is so worth fight for, starting over for... and that is, you.

©Jennifer Manning, Random Thoughts n’ Lotsa Coffee

Do you choose a new path, not knowing what's ahead?

Blogger Boredom

I'm bored.  I have absolutely no motivation today.  I could be doing laundry, cleaning something, playing with my kid, even shopping.  Nope.  I am sitting at the computer staring at Facebook, waiting for someone to post something clever or for someone to reply to something clever I have posted.  What a waste of a beautiful Saturday.

It is sunny and gorgeous outside.  Unseasonably warm... what the hell am I doing?  My daughter is watching the smurf movie for the bajillionth time, my husband is two feet away from me but in his own blogosphere, and I have yet to get out of my pi's.

I don't even have anything creative or especially funny or angry or, dare I say, enlightening to write about.  I have nothing.  Nothing except an overwhelming desire to not get off my ass.  And what better way to do that but type?  Pathetic.

That's it.  I don't care what anyone else posts on Facebook today.  It may be life-changing.  It may be mind-blowing.  I may only get a brief chuckle before slipping back into a coma...I'm outta here.  Any minute now.  Logging off.  Unplugging.  Stop typing.  sfgdjhghjklghjklsdfjgkjfdhsgk *head hitting keyboard*

    

Kamikaze Blogging: A Topic Handed to Me on a Silver Platter

        After three months of hiding out in the blogosphere virtually unnoticed, I begged and pleaded some other bloggers to help me get to 500.  You know that old saying ‘Be careful what you wish for’?  Well, I got my 500 and more! I couldn’t be happier!  As a ploy to sucker everyone in, I promised that my 500th liker would be able to choose my next blog topic.  Monique is the proud winner of no cash and I’m not sure if she’ll like her prize, but here is the topic she chose as her ‘soapbox issue of the morning’...

     “My 6 year old thinks she's fat because she has a normal pooch of baby fat she gets before a growth spurt *grrrrrr society*”

     Why do I say she handed me this on a silver platter?  Two reasons: I have an almost 6 year old who is obsessed with the mirror, and I also struggle minute by minute with my own body issues.  I think most women do.  It’s how we are wired.  So how do we go about raising daughters who are confident, self-assured and completely kick-ass when most of us look in the mirror every day and see nothing but our flaws?

     I do not know, nor have ever met a single woman who is completely satisfied with every part of her body.  For me, my butt’s too big, my tummy’s too flabby and covered in stretch marks, I have dark circles under my eyes and my legs are too short.  Here’s the thing though... I look great in heels, my eyes are a beautiful shade of cornflower blue, when I smile the circles disappear and no man has ever complained about my curves.  I can also sing, write, am a good photographer and take in strays to a fault.  See what I just did there?  That works on paper (or in a motivational blog) but it’s considerably harder in practice.  Which brings me to my point...

     I think our little girls think they aren’t perfect because they see and hear mommy rant about her *insert horrible flaw here*.  They learn from example.  Though some of us are very careful to never let our daughters hear our own negativity, others aren’t.  Worse, other mothers are like my mother and tell their daughters how fat they are.  Then those little girls go to school and tell other little girls how fat they are and here we have our vicious cycle.  

     How do we stop it?  How do we protect our beautiful daughters?  How do we raise them to be completely and supremely bad-ass?  Hell if I know.  I struggle with it every day, but I have a few ideas...

• Stop the negativity!  Don’t let your daughter hear you call yourself *too* anything.  Ever.
• Tell her she’s beautiful and awesome and amazing and a rockstar and super and everything else WAY TOO MUCH - because way too much is still never enough.
• Help her stay healthy by eating right and living an active lifestyle.  Whether she’s naturally thin or not, starting good habits early will give her a great life.
• Lead by example.  Eat right. Exercise. Be kind to yourself.  If your daughter sees you love yourself, she’ll learn that it’s okay to love herself too.

     And when she does come home crying because some nasty little girl whose mom isn’t as cool as you calls her fat, listen to her, love her, tell her she’s beautiful, have her look in the mirror and point out every awesome thing about herself and even more important, have her point out all the awesomeness she can’t see in the mirror - like how she aces all of her math tests or how well she can draw or how kind she is.  You get my point.  Because it’s not just what’s on the outside that makes her beautiful, but what’s on the inside matters a whole lot more.    

     Women are hard wired to believe that our worth lies only in what others can see on the outside.  Let’s try to change that for our daughters.  Pretty please?

She should always know she's absolutely amazing and my favorite thing in the whole wide world.

   

Precipice

Precipice: noun 1: a very steep or overhanging place  2: a hazardous situation; broadly : brink

I stand on a precipice.  I am on the brink. The brink of a whole new life.  I am choosing to walk away from a life of security and complacency toward a life that is infinitely more terrifying, yet hopeful.  My motives and my sanity have been questioned, and fairly so. Were I to look at someone else in my position doing what I am doing, I would probably question their motives and their sanity as well.  I am here today to assure everyone, including myself that my motives are pure and that I am as sane as I have ever been...which may not be saying much, but there it is.

So why?  Why am I walking away from a stable life, a man who is kind, a beautiful home, a spoiled existence?  What crazy person chooses to leave security for the great unknowable?  This crazy person.  I am not happy.  I don't think I have ever been happy. I'm not sure I know how to be happy.

Don't get me wrong- I have had moments of pure joy.  The day my daughter was born. My wedding day.  Mind-blowing sex.  And maybe that's all there is.  Maybe life is only monotony strung together with brief moments of joy that are few and far between.  Maybe it's not supposed to be joy broken up by brief moments of monotony.  But I cannot accept that.  

I need to know that my life can have hope.  I need to know great love.  Not just a love that is safe and consistent - I want that too - but a love that takes my breath away every time I look into his eyes.  I have to believe a love like that can exist.  If it doesn't, then what is the point?

For me, beyond that great love with someone else, I must find that great love of myself.  I have waited my entire life for someone to love me enough.  It has taken me almost 38 years to realize that someone else's love will never be enough, at least not until I can love myself enough.  God, that sounds cheesy.  But it's true.  From a crappy childhood, to a crappy adolescence, to a crappy young adulthood, to an actually pretty decent adulthood, I have waited.  Waited for my parents to love me enough.  Waited for a man to love me enough.  When a man came along who finally did love me enough, surprise! it wasn't enough.  Why?  Because I can't stand me, so how could I expect anyone else to love me?  

So here I stand, for the world to see.  On the brink of a new life.  Terrified.  Sad.  Lonely.  Hopeful.  Now, I just need to find a place to live.

 A precipice isn't always a fall; sometimes it's a climb. 

That Pesky First Amendment

Dear Msgr. Mr. Santorum,

Perhaps I have been watching too much CNN lately.  Maybe the liberal, elite media has gotten to me.  I've heard you discuss everything from your blue-collar roots to contraception to higher education snobbery.  I understand and reluctantly accept that you are shouting to your conservative base- those passionate few that care enough to come out to vote in the primaries.  While it concerns me that the more moderate i.e. majority of the GOP choose to stay home leaving the choice of their ultimate candidate to the right wing extremists, I accept it as reality.

What I cannot accept is the vitriolic rhetoric claiming that this government, my government has been corrupted by Satan and needs to ascribe to biblical law.  While I have no argument that this government has been corrupted by something - greed, arrogance, entitlement, etc. - I cannot say if Satan had a hand in it or if it is just the natural failings of humanity.  I tend to believe the latter.  Which leads me to my point...

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.  -1st Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America

That pesky first amendment, whether by a liberal interpretation or a conservative one, states quite clearly that no laws will be made respecting (or disrespecting, for that matter) any specific religion.  It also says that you have the right to believe whatever you want, but that I, too, may believe whatever I want.  Even if what I believe isn't in your bible.  What I may not do is attempt to alter any laws so that they may follow any specific dogma pertaining to my religion - and neither can you.

So when you come in and start saying that the very idea of the separation of church and state makes you "want to throw up" and that we all must start obeying God's law to save this country from destruction, I get a little very angry.  To which God are you referring, Rick?  Are you referring to the God of the Jews?  What about the God of the Muslim faith?  How about the Buddhists, Hindi, Mormons, Protestants, Scientologists, Jehova's Witnesses, Pagans and so many more beautiful faiths? What about those who choose not to ascribe to any particular faith at all? Do they not have rights in your proposed American ideal?  That pesky first amendment says they do.

I find it more than a little ironic that you reference the speech given by John F. Kennedy in 1960 attempting to assuage voters that they should vote for him despite his Catholic faith.  That even as a man of faith, the church would have no power over his decisions as president.  Flash forward fifty-two years and here you are making stump speeches claiming that the very reason you should be elected is that you are Catholic.  The speech that makes you vomit contributed to the fact that you have a political career in the first place.

You say that the current administration has attacked 'the church' time and again.  Again I say, which church?  Obama hasn't attacked my church, or yours for that matter.  He's not allowed to under that pesky first amendment.

You have the right to believe that I am going to hell because I use contraception, believe in a woman's right to choose and think that global climate change is a real threat.  You have the right to tell anyone who will listen how your way is the right way, the only way, the true way.  You have the right to gather in a group and let lawmakers know that you think they are attacking your church.  That pesky first amendment says you do.

What you don't have the right to do is step into the highest office in our land and change laws so they fit with your personal doctrine and that of your church.  What you don't have the right to do is take away laws that protect women because your bible says that right is wrong.  What you don't have the right to do is take this nation backwards. That pesky first amendment says you don't.

I am kind of in love with that pesky first amendment.

Tips from one of the most beautiful women to ever grace this world